Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A triumph for Aria!

February 27, 2009

Subject: A Triumph for Aria!

I just wanted you to know that Aria, for the first time in 14 months, was able to go to school every day this week! It was Dr. Seuss week so every day was a new theme requiring a new costume of some kind. It was so much fun. She not only had the energy to go but she had the desire! This is huge for us as you all well know.

I'm sitting here just rejoicing in her wellness. Everything about this moment is warm and sunny; literally and figuratively. I'm sighing with relief as I'm certain you are too. The smile I have barely fits on my face and it encompasses my entire being. This is a good place to be.

It is worth mentioning, however, that I know some of you worry about me particularly when I am dark and less than optimistic. I can sound lonely, doubtful and insecure and it is so tempting to want to ease that burden for me or to worry that I have succumbed to that as a perpetual state of being. It isn't comfortable for many of us being dark, doubtful, and even depressed but it is something we all know. It is simply a part of being human and I'm learning that to suppress it makes it worse. I'm learning that we're rather ill-equipped to face, accept and care for those aspects of our experience that rip us from our comfort zones. It makes perfect sense but because of our limited skills in this regard, it is easy, almost reflexive, to push it away, to hide, to suppress, to mask, to project, and to pretend.

I can't tell you not to worry about me. I wish you didn't have to. I wish I didn't have to worry about Aria but I do. It isn't a switch that I can turn on and off and like you, sometimes it is visceral despite my reasoning mind. But guess what, I'm learning that it passes. It is healed. It is replaced and it goes away, until the next time. It isn't relevant to me to try to reach a point in my life and my view where I no longer experience darkness or doubt. These are fine teachers despite their ill-manner. Because of what I learn from these darker moments, I can appreciate with great magnitude days like today.

Again, I think it illustrates so precisely what people mean when they say, "Experiences like this sure does you give you a greater sense of appreciation!"

Aria is healing. Aria is on a trajectory toward cure and we are doing everything we can to make that possible. Part of that process is my writing about it. What compliments my writing is you reading it and often sending me your thoughts. You are intricately woven into the tapestry of this journey whether you want to be or not. It is my privilege sharing it with you. I am indeed infinitely blessed. ~j

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